Gossip Girl Celebrates 100th Episode

Sigh, how time has flown. I remember being in the 9th grade, and being referred by my friend Shayna to a series of trashy teen novels; (visit her beauty blog here). It had everything I wasn’t’ supposed to be reading about: sex, drugs, and elitism. It was a glorious trio. Needless to say that book series was Gossip Girl.

Fast-forward to 2007: the CW premiered a series adaptation of Gossip Girl starring fresh-faced Abercrombie models dressed in Proenza Schouler. It started off so wonderful with a bevy of headbands and simulated nude scenes. For a good season and a half, it was a heavenly 60 minute block of television.

Of course, like any indulgent series that starts off amazing, it eventually got terrible. So much exposition! So many ridiculous plot points! So many scenes where Nate is clothed! Somehow, the venerable teen dramedy has staggered through to its 100th episode, airing tonight at 8 pm on the CW. The special episode will finally bring us Blair’s royal wedding to Prince Louis. Of course, she is only marrying him because she believes that if she doesn’t, God will kill her true love Chuck. No I’m not kidding. Also, there is going to be some sort of Madonna Material Girl scene starring Serena and her twin orbs of suspended reality. Again, not kidding. Oh, and Mayor Bloomberg has named January 26th Gossip Girl Day. Seriously, not kidding.

For my own personal celebration, I am going to be ranking the 5 best things Gossip Girl moments. You’ll notice that they’re entirely from the first two seasons, and that’s how I like it. Enjoy!

5. Blair Takes Down Georgina

I’ll go ahead and immediately apologize for this countdown being very Blair-centric. What can I say? She’s the best and now the only good thing about this series. This little gem came in the Season 1 finale: Much I Do About Nothing. That crazy train Georgina had been taking on duel identities to expose a secret that would ruin Serena’s life. Blair, being the defender of the galaxy, put a stop to all of that. Yep, it was great.

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4. Serena Gets Her Bitch On

Let’s face it, Serena’s a pretty blah character. She spends most of this series tossing her hair, mumbling dialogue as if she just got her wisdom teeth removed, and flip-flopping on whether to date unavailable men. Yawn. But there was a brief window within season 2 where she got interesting. The blonde ignoramus decided to make a play for Queen of Constance, while making friends with NY socialites. Good tv.

3. Chuck Rejects Blair

Chuck and Blair are without a doubt the best relationship of this show. Although they have some pretty romantic moments, they have some pretty heartbreaking ones too. This one really sticks out as the ultimate bitch slap of the series. Don’t hate. He’s Chuck Bass.

2. The Love Triangle That Started It All

When watching the pilot episode for Gossip Girl in ’07, there was a moment that I knew the show was ‘good bad’, as opposed to just plain bad. It happened during a particular montage, one that detailed the love triangle that would propel the series for the next five seasons to come. The scene strikes the perfect balance between intrigue, provocativeness, and genuine tragedy. This is a balance the series has struggled horridly to maintain over the last few seasons. Lest we forget.

1. Chair

The couple that no one saw coming bloomed in the back of a limo. Fresh off of a traumatizing breakup with the walking cheekbone Nate, Blair runs to Chuck’s newly purchased burlesque club, (what? lots of 16 year olds own burlesque clubs), promptly strips to her slip and performs a freeing little number. A headband-wearing star is born, and so is one of the most pleasing television couples of our time.

[youtuube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdIlShY3AoU]

What are your favourite Gossip Girl moments? Share them all in the comment section.

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Introducing: Poetry Mondays

I think most people can come to the general consensus that Mondays blow. To liven our spirits, our minds, and our souls, I’ve decided to start a weekly tradition of Poetry Monday. That’s right, whatever poem catches my eye will be posted here at the depressing beginning of each soul-crushing work week. Inspired by my revisit of Woody Allen’s Hannah And Her Sisters, I’m choosing an E.E. Cummings classic for the inaugural post. Enjoy!

Somewhere I Have Never Travelled

somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which I cannot touch because they are too nearyour slightest look easily will unclose me
though I have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first roseor if your wish be to close me, I and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(I do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

 -E. E. Cummings

My Top SAG Shockers of 2012

It was a big night of surprises at the SAGs and about 75% of my picks were wrong. The biggest shock came with Viola Davis’s steal of Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama for The Help,  which was basically stolen out from underneath Streep’s Vivienne Westwood hoop skirt. Other notable surprises of the evening include 30 Rock’s Alec Baldwin’s win for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series, Jessica Lange’s win for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series (move over, Margulies), and Paul Giamatti’s win for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries for his work in Too Big To Fail.

Unsurprisingly, The Help took home Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture, while Jean Dujardin for The Artist and Christopher Plummer for Beginners took home the male acting nods, with Octavia Spencer taking home Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Motion Picture.

In tv land, Modern Family of course is king, taking home Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Comedy Series, while Boardwalk Empire took home Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Drama Series. BE also secured Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series, thanks to Steve Buscemi.

For a complete list of 2011 SAG winners, click here.

SAG Award Predictions – Television

In just a few short hours, the SAG red carpet will be filled to the brim with actors, directors, writers, producers, Weinsteins, and PAs who all slept with the right executive. Yesterday, I gave you my who should win/who will win picks for the movie awards, and now I bring you my television choices. Get excited, Dad and select aunts.

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series

Who Should Win: 30 Rock – Sometimes, I feel like one of the few fans left of this charming little show. But honestly, I think the writing and performances are better than ever. Plus, Liz Lemon’s been rocking a fierce set of glasses as of late. That’s deserving of an award in itself.

Who Will Win: Modern Family – There’s just no stopping this mocku-comedy. With big wins at the Golden Globes and the Emmy’s, there’s little doubt that the cast of Latin stereotypes, bitchy queens, and angry soccer moms will be coming out with the big win tonight.

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series

Who Should Win: Game of Thrones – This HBO fantasy series was all the rage in the summer. But the heat has cooled off considerably since its June season finale. Although I believe it is deserving of top honours, it will most likely lose out.

Who Will Win: Boardwalk Empire – HBO is just so terrible at making good tv, right? Hilarious sarcasm aside, the prohibition drama, backed by Scorsese and Buscemi, is just too much awesome to be denied by the Screen Actor’s Guild. Although I’m repping Game of Thrones on this one, this choice ain’t too shabby either.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series

Who Should Win: Ty Burell in Modern Family – I know, for such a nay-sayer of MF, it’s surprising to see me pick Ty. However, he is one of the funniest, most physical, yet most understated performances on television today. In this group, he is defiantly top dog.

Who Will Win: Ty Burrell in Modern Family – MF cannot be denied. ‘Nough said.

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series

Who Should Win: Edie Falco in Nurse Jackie – In my books, this tv veteran is one of the greats. She stole my heart as Camilla, and kept it as emergency room nurse Jackie Peyton. To me, she is untouchable. To the Screen Actors Guild, she is another bobbed character actress paling in the shadow of eccentric CBS family quirk.

Who Will Win: Julie Bowen in Modern Family – Are you sensing a theme, here? As the high-strung, short-tempered mom of 2, well arguably three, Bowen is a hit with oppressed housewives everywhere. She’ll be the big winner at the SAGs and at lady-bicep competitions.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series

Who Should Win: Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad – Although I was never able to really get into this show, Cranston’s talents are undeniable as the meth-cooking, Chemistry teaching Walter White. Cranston is well deserving of this awards.

Who Will Win: Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad – Sometimes the actors get it right.

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series

Who Should Win: Glenn Close in Damages – First of all, what a fluster cluck of a category. We’ve got Close, Sedgwick, Bates, Margulies, and Lange all throwing down for the same award. Fiiiiieeeerce. Based on this category consisting solely of the cream of the crop, Close reigns supreme as ruthless lawyer Patty Hewes. Poor lady will probably be snubbed in this category, and out-monologued by Meryl Streep for this year’s Oscar.

Who Will Win: Juliana Margulies in The Good Wife – Another law drama. Seriously, folks? Both my parents are lawyers. It’s not really like that, at all. From what I can tell. it’s mostly paperwork, diet coke, and crosswords. But I digress. Anyway, Margulies has been a crowd favourite ever since The Good Wife hit the small screen in 2009. The heat has not cooled off since, and Margulies will be proving this point when she takes home the statue tonight.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Mini Series

Who Should Win: Guy Pearce in Mildred Pierce – As rich playboy Monty Beragon, Pearce absolutely stunned in a cast consisting of some pretty serious acting gusto. I cannot say enough about his performance, or his raw sex appeal. Double hubb hubba for him and his skinny ties.

Who Will Win:  Guy Pearce in Mildred Pierce – Without a wire tapper to steal his thunder, Pearce has a slight edge over the competition thanks to the star power of MP‘s cast and the swagger of HBO.

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Mini Series

Who Should Win: Kate Winslet in Mildred Pierce – Personally, I feel that this miniseries, and subsequently Winslet’s performance, was quite underrated. Some of the critical wrongs are now being righted thanks to the bevy of nominations it has received. It’s aaaaall about the Winslet this year. She is deserving of the win, and forty-five minutes of acceptance speech airtime to make up for the GG cut-off.

Who Will Win: Kate Winslet in Mildred Pierce – I’m not longer mad at her for divorcing Sam Mendes, so this is a good thing.

For a full list of the 2011 SAG nominees, click here.

SAG Award Predictions – Movies

The 18th Screen Actors Guild Awards will be airing tomorrow night, meaning another round of who should will/will win predictions are in order. Long considered to be one of the ultimate predictors as to who will take him the Oscar statues come February, the SAGS are all about actors honouring actors.

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture

Who Should Win: Bridesmaids – This raunchy, estrogen comedy would have been nothing without its cast of incredible, hilarious, shitting ladies. However, me thinks most Stanislavski loving SAG voters will turn up their little, method-acting noses at the gaggle of gals taking a dump all over a bridal boutique. Lame.

Who Will Win: The Help Based on the math alone, (three individual gals from The Help have been nominated), it seems like the Screen Actor’s Guild is aaaaall about Tate Taylor’s 1960’s race dramedy.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

Who Should Win: Demián Bichir in A Better Life – Bichir’s performance in Chris Weitz’s drama about an LA gardener trying to keep his son out of a life of crime just earned the Mexican actor an Academy Award nomination. Unfortunately, the film is just too under the radar to earn Bichir a win tomorrow night at the SAGs or at the Oscars.

Who Will Win: George Clooney in The Descendants – Tough category, as that whiley Frenchman Dujardin could always come away with it. But Clooney has been nominated three times, with no cheddar. Actors are  a long-suffering group, what with the rejection, the side jobs waiting tables, and those really unflattering leotards they’re always wearing in movement class. I believe they’ll reward Clooney’s suffering with a SAG win tomorrow night.

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

Who Should Win: Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady – Come on, do I really need to explain? Strep’s tour-de-force performance as Britain’s polarizing former PM was simply perfection. She deserves this win, and many others this awards season.

Who Will Win: Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady – Streep is truly an actor’s actor. The Screen Actor’s Guild can appreciate Meryl’s talent, range, and her ability to done prosthetics for 3/4 of this film. Those actor voters know how freaking uncomfortable that is. They’ll be giving the gold to Streep.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role

Who Should Win: Christopher Plummer in Beginners Proving that his talent and that sexy, sexy voice only get  better with age, Plummer’s performance as the newly out-and-proud widower is the best of his career.

Who Will Win: Christopher Plummer in Beginners – In my opinion, no one could touch him this season. (Sorry, Albert Brooks).

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role

Who Should Win: Jessica Chastain in The Help – Obviously I am not the biggest fan of The Help, (see above, re hilarious and true movie poster), but I am of the belief that Chastain absolutely owned 2011. With unnominated work in two much superior films to this piece of shit pie, (Take Shelter, The Tree of Life), Chastain deserves the recognition.

Who Will Win: Octavia Spencer in The Help – Yeah, she’s the one who baked the shit pie. But despite my witty bitterness, her performance really was stellar, and Spencer looks like a lock to take it home, tomorrow night.

Outstanding Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture (wtf)

Who Should Win: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 – I have no freaking clue as to why. There were a lot of actors falling all over the place cause of all the spells? Alan Rickman’s getting old? Who knows. Just give an award to HP, cause it’s awesome and deserves it.

Who Will Win: Cowboys and Aliens – They fell more?

For a complete list of 2011 SAG nominees, click here.

2012 Shakespeare In The Park Lineup Announced

“Bitch, get excited.”

Now we to take a break from awards season to tune into my daily daydreams of  “if I lived in New York”. In this edition, you see me imagining that I will be spending this summer working for Vulture and taking in Shakespeare In The Park’s (SITP) 2012 summer lineup.

That’s right, the Public Theatre announced today that SITP’s 50th Anniversary summer season will feature Shakespeare’s As You Like It, with Lily Rabe starring as Rosalind, and Stephen Sondheim’s Into The Woods directed by Timothy Sheader. Jalouse.

Celebrating its fiftieth season at the Delacorte Theatre in Central Park, SITP has featured such talents as Meryl Streep, Natalie Portman, Kevin Kline, Philip Seymour Hoffman, James Earl Jones, Anne Hathaway, and Al Pacino, to name a few. What amateurs.

For more information, or to hang your newly purchased SITP tickets over my head, click here.

Oscar Snubs and Shocks

Now that the dust has settled around the 2011 Academy Award nominees, it’s time to dig deep into who got the big shaft from the uppety Academy voters, and who got some surprising love.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

(in Swedish accent) “ZSat blows”

Shut out almost entirely in the major categories, save for Rooney Mara’s Best Actress nomination, the David Fincher adaptation was left with a respectable five nominations, mostly for technical honours. Still, Scott Rudin won’t be able to look Harvey Weinstein in the eye for at least two months of red carpets.

Albert Brooks in Drive

“Say what?”

Coming off the heels of a loss at the Golden Globes for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama, Brooks got the complete shaft from an Oscar nom. Pretty shocking, considering critics have been calling his gritty performance in Drive the best of his career. It’s okay, Brooks. Your life was pretty much completed when you found Nemo. No big.

I’m not the only one who liked The Tree Of Life 

“Really? Even I didn’t know what the eff was going on.”

Apparently, me and the geriatric Academy voters are on the same page, and not just in our love for Dr. Scholl’s inserts. Terrence Malick’s love it or hate it 3 hour creation epic, complete with dinosaurs, received two shocking nominations: Best Picture and Best Director. I can neither confirm nor deny that I did an MC Hammer happy dance as I streamed the nominations live from my school’s cafeteria. Score one Tree of Life, lose one Katherine.

No Love for Leo

“But I put on this bald cap.”

No amount of prosthetic jowls or gay sexual tension could earn Leo an Oscar nom for his work in J. Edgar. Worse, the by-the-book biopic was shut out of nominations completely. I’m sure Leo is currently on a yacht, weeping into the bosom of whichever Victoria’s Secret model he’s currently accessorized himself with. I feel quite sorry for him.

No to Tintin, Yes to Real Steel? Le quoi?

“But I put on those CGI things all over my body”

Spielberg’s CGI’d The Adventures of Tintin got shut out, while freaking Real Steal got a nod for Best Visual Effects. This whole thing just proves that the Academy have a sense of humour after all. Just ask Eddie Murphy.

Eff yeah Bridesmaids!

“Those unflattering trousers were not worn in vain!”

Omg women are funny? Who knew? Apparently the Academy does, as they put the raunchy chick comedy up for two big awards: Best Supporting Actress for Melissa McCarthy and Best Original Screenplay for Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo. Here’s to countless more cinematic masterpieces in which women shit in the middle of the street.

A Triple Gosling Snub

That poor, sexy, sexy man’s three-peat performances in The Ides of March, Crazy Stupid Love, and Drive were all passed up for nominations. Pretty harsh, considering Gosling was double-nominated at this year’s Golden Globes. It’s cool, though. He’s still a winner thanks to a certain viral video and his aggressive pectorals.

Were there any snubs I missed? Was there a better “Hey Girl” Gosling shot I could have used? Start the convo in the comments section.